but I keep your memories???????????????

29.10.06

Woohoo..went dte ytd and saw chester and vaness..

I told pipi..

Im so cheapskate..Knowing very well that if i go down n see them,

There is 20% of chance that i'd most prob get upset.. I still insist on going down!

Hahax.. bt the 20% didnt get thru..perhaps..onli 5%

GREAT JOB SARAH!!!

I think im faling for him.

But i duno if he feels the same way as i do..

My door has been closed for a long time ever since i broke up with chester..

Last nite, he opned it.. With a key:

His looks in deep thots.

A very amazing guy he is.. ya..hahas

I duno y .. bt although he isnt totalli the type of guy that i want..

I jus feel that.. yeah.. the feeling's there..

But for ppl that i think are my type..

Lyk victor..I dun seem to have the same feeling for him..

so weird

Sam say he doesnt suit me..

I think so too..

Bit iv been thinking bot this guy since last nite..The way i could feel our eyes brush across each other..

The way i tried to peek at him, and he seemd to noe..

The way i could feel that frm my side view, he did somehoe looked at me too..

But Sarah!.. Im controlling my feelings.

I dun bet on the table without absolute chance of winning..

I didnt and i cant tell anyone about him..

Not even pipi..well he is her fren anyway=)

Im jus sooo afraid .. so very afraid of being one-sided.

Finally,. the pain is gone..

I honestly wun wana get upset again..

I'll just let nature take its course..

No problem..!!

Had a great time wid pipi n mich in ktv ytd.. angel was working,sam was celebrating siqii's bdae

So that left the 3 of us..

Nevertheless..it was fun..

We even had our kway chap in outram..one of the best kway chap pipi n i ever tried..

The taste is still sooo Good!!

Till Then

4:03 AM

23.10.06

I'm so sorry.. I noe it isnt my business..Ya, i sldnt comment on anything.

Its lyk.. shit.. wat am i doin?..

I noe its nt fair to you. U mus be feeling, it isnt ur fault, im realli so sorri..

I didnt noe u would be so angry n pissed off..its lyk, the first time i see u this way..

Vic, sorri..

Ur story is realli lyk mine.. totalli the same.

Though i duno wat actualli went wrong btw u two, bt realli..

lyk wat she wrote in teh blog

"we hug and kissed , said we will b tgt agin.,"

Its realli lyk me n chester..

i realli dun understand at that point of time,

How could guys ever be so heartless.?

How could guys ..

U hugged me .. and said, we will b tgt again

N there u are, wid someone else..

Its a pain,A tear,A tear in the heart.. so deep down..

It will nv recover.

Thats exactly hw i felt..

Though.. ppl say .. time goes by.. the pain fades..as long as dun give urslf the chance to think about it..

It will go away.

The question is

How long?

Am i to be lyk mich ?.. 1 year + to forget a 1 year bf?

Or angel.. until now 9 mths to forget a unstable relationship?

I dunwan.. i dunwana b lyk them.

I dunwana go around asking ppl.

Why?, How?, Why?Why?Why?Why?

I dunwana go aron asking ppl WHY

I tell myslf..

so wat if he has a gf..?

so wat if he cares for her..

scold her bcoz she ran from home?

Ah.. hw childish can she b?

I noe.. she can nv replace me..

Nv ever

Sometimes,i find myslf so ridiculous..

Its been so so long, so long..

N yet.. until today..

I still ahve the same feeling.. the same convincing phrase in my mind n brain..

If i have been so selfish n horrible in the past..

Ill tell u now chester..

The best way for me to make up my selfishness and fear that i am in ur memories..

I wun tell u my feelings. I wun tell u ..

That, no matter wat u did,

Even if u have a gf, even if at tat time, u lyk my best fren.

Even if, u told me u wana b single to enjoy freedom n fall in love wid my sis,

even if u bcum wat u are now,

even if no matter hw hard i beg u to stay on wid me, to gif me one last chance

u simply said all those things to me.

Even after all the heartless n painful words u tell me..

I still believe,even until now..

Im still in ur heart.I realli do believe..no matter wat u say or do.

I believe, u did all those, said all those n stood firm to ur decision,

nt bcos u do not love me anymore.Bt bcoz,

u noe, if we r tgt again..i will be unhappy.

I never told u this.I jus tot, if i can make up for wat iv dne in the past..

This is the best way.to keep mum n let u lead ur life the way u wan.

I dun gif a damn to vaness or watever ..

I jus tot,if i tell u all this.. u will be under pressure again jus lyk u alw do.

Id rather.. This is in me..

But god.. it has been so hard.

So hard to keep all this in me.. so hard to suppress all my feelings in..

Jus lyk.. how i force myslf to smile wen i saw them tgt..

I seem to be losing my strength each time i had to fight back the urge..

the urge of wanting to let him noe all my feelings.

The urge of wanting to tell him

baby, i forgive u.

12:18 AM

16.10.06

I realli pity her, though i duno her..

Mayb bcos seeing her realli reminds me of myslf..

Lyk wat turtle said

" Some guys r nt soft lyk jelly"

Perhaps..

Hmm.. i think im faling for him.. yet im afraid to,

mayb bcoz iv totalli gt no confidence..

I realli dont.. and mich tell me nt to set my hopes too high..

I did not.. i realli didnt..

But.. i think i am realli falling for him.

Holiday?

Seems so far away.. as if a dream tat will nv come true..

I realli hope he doesnt read this blog.. i realli do..

I dunwan anyone, especially him to noe..

as in, im jus admiring him.. nt realli totalli into him yet.

And im controlling myslf..

From the way he treats me, i noe

Im jus a fren.=)

But ya, tats better den nth.. as in,i duno..

I dun yearn 4 him as much as i tot i would.

Mayb lyk wat angel say..

Wen u see him, u noe he isint ur type..

But.. hmm, ya.. he isint totalli my type.

Im realli looking forward to the day we will go out tgt n play and tk sweet pics..

Tats wat u told me..

The feelings i have 4 him is nt yet ther.. nt to the extend..

Onli..

If i do haf u, im glad..

If i dun, u r nt the onli one..=)

Im nt soft lyk jelly too!!

2:45 AM

14.10.06

I didnt noe he's out of myy life until he came into mine..

But i sld have known, Im nt so lucky..

Hmm..A dream so near yet so far.

As if , god answered my prayers..

Yet, all's gone...

I duno wats the damn matter wid me..its been sometime since he left..

Sometime since i last had this feeling..

Sometimes since i told myslf, I'll jus go 4 it.

Fear,I had..

The things, actions he did..

Kinda melt me..

The things he said,

Kinda alert me,tat my dream's coming true..

But.. it did not.. Wrong signal!!!

But its ok..

Lyk wat sam say..

Sarah,dun b too greedy..

=)..

Alrite, i wun..

I'll jus let fate decide..

Im so bored..

The gers..

all busy wid their own things..

Angel in i use to think, Frens are enuff..

Hahax.. bt nw, i suddenly realise, if onli i found a bf long ago..!!!!

Ok, i noe im crazy... But its jus once in a while..

Going to courts wid mumi later..gota get a new monitor or sumtin..

Its work again tml..=(

11:34 PM

13.10.06

i jus came bk frm sales and im so damn tired..

Today's the first time i went out doin sales alone.n ya.. nt easy..

Having korean class later n i suddenly realise,

Time flies.. very soon,i will be sitting for exams soon..

Hmm, went to have lunch wid victor and one of his fren.

Turtle is short.. ya..

His looks dun suit his character,

His character dun suit his image.

But, overall, ok la.. nice person.

Very funny,although his jokes sumtimes abit nonsense.

"One day,i was walking on the streets, and i saw STREET"

i still dun catch the joke.

Hahas.. I owe him an ice cream,bt i think i will 4get soon..

Hahas,,

Met up wid joyce just now and we had a great tok..

She looks so different now, as in The way she carries herslf.

Hmm, practically out frm office the whole day today..

My leg hurts, my stomach growling,n im so very tired..

Im goin rite to my lovly cozy wootsy bed after school later

3:24 AM

9.10.06

Many Thanks to michii ah-chu-ma..hahax.. Long time since i last blog..

Hmm..I really love korean class.. everyay,although im lazt to do hmwk..

bt wenever i step into the classroom, i feel so happy..

as if battery recharge..hahas.C.R.A.Z.Y

hmm.. den we sang the "head n shoulders,knees n toes."

And my memory.. nice!!!

Err.. sickening worm !! u blong to the rubbish chute u dumbo..

super freak, alien..

U like controling ppl yeah?! ..

Watever

Hmm.. im having a headache now n i feel that my head is so heavy.

hahax.. mayb lyk wat chester use to say..

my head weighs 40 kg..=p

Hmm..ya.. speaking of him, he has gt a new gf alr..

hahax.. duno y nw wun think hw long will they lsat or hw will he treat her.

Now .. hmm.. as if, its nth..

Bcoz, perhaps i noe..

She cant replace my smile=)..

Just lyk no one can replace his..hahax

Went to movies wid ernest on thursday..

watched Rob-b-hood.. and the baby is so cute..

Omg, i wished he was mine..hehes

Den, sat went movies again.. coz hmm, it was jin hui's gf bdae..

so we went watching you,me n Dupree..

A nice show too.. very funny.

Saw Noel and Andrea( how to spel??!!).

They bcum so diff, and i cant recognise Noel at all.. hahax.

Until, he came up n ask me, err.. who r u ar?..

hahax.. ia sk bk the same question.. n we both laughed.

Alvin gt married!!.. hahax.. the last one everin my mind i tot would settle dw so soon.

Who's next?..

Actually, on sat.. suppose to go xlong bdae wid jun wei n chester..

But den, sam, angel n i feel that it aint so nice coz one thing,

The bdae boy didnt invite us, secondly, the gf didnt invite us too..

Though,honestly, we felt abit lyk.. weird..

Coz.. we tot, if its our bf celebration,we sure call sisters go de..

unless its "2 ppls' world"..

And.. abit left out and awkward..

so we didnt go in the end.

Deciding btw chew's side or philip's side,

we decided to go n enjoy wid chew they all

Aaron ask me to meet him on sunday.but who cares?..

I have a feeling its gonna b boring..

so,no thanks..

Id rater go spa wid my darling..=)

Im glad that alfon, chew n jin hui are ruling their own lives now..

i suddenly feel that..

they are much more attractive..hahax..

Hmm.. am eating my watermelon + soya bean..

watermelon soya milk.. hahax..

8:53 PM